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08 Dec 2013

"On ne choisit pas l'amour. C'est lui qui nous prend, nous subjugue, nous arrache à nous-mêmes. A-t-on du mérite à se donner quand on ne peut faire autrement."
Michèle Mailhot


(-fch-shn)   A foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant passion or attraction. An object of extravagant, short-lived passion.  A foolish and usually extravagant passion or love or admiration for someone or something. Infatuation is the state of being completely carried away by unreasoned passion or love.

Shula Rajaonah "Change before you have to." - Jack Welch

In the case of infatuation, there is usually an obsessor and an object of desire, who may or may not be attainable. In its "pure" state, infatuation is characterized by unrealistic expectations of blissful passion without positive relationship growth or development, and by a lack of the trust, loyalty, commitment, and reciprocity found in maturer love.

There are some feelings we have when infatuated that we don't have when we're feeling love. Some of the "symptoms" of infatuation are; feelings of panic, uncertainty, overpowering lust, feverish excitement, impatience, and/or jealously.

Shula Rajaonah

Infatuation Phase I: Stricken!

The first act in the life of an infatuation is that magic moment when someone suddenly takes on "special" meaning for us.

You hear a phrase or a particular inflection in someone's voice that strikes a chord in your heart. You are struck by the exact tilt of his head. You are warmed by a gaze or an unexpected tenderness. An intriguing remark goes straight to your soul. Or, perhaps from a respectable distance, you notice legs or skin or hair (or a more private physical trait) to die for. Lightning has struck.

Shula Rajaonah


Infatuation Phase II: Intrusive Thinking

After the bolt of lightening comes a storm of intrusive thinking about the desired one.

Every experience you now have seems interwoven with their qualities, every shared moment weighted with new meaning. When apart from them, you review and relish each moment spent in their presence and ruminate on their flavor. In fact, many infatuation informants report spending 80 to 100 percent of their time compulsively trying to crystallize the vision of their new love, living in vigilant expectation of the next contact.

Shula Rajaonah "Change before you have to." - Jack Welch

Infatuation Phase III: Idealization

Early in the intrusive thinking phase, idealization sets in. The erotic sizzle permeates everything and creates that famous halo with which we love to blind ourselves. For a while, the infatuee sees no flaws in the beloved and admits to no blocks to forward progress.


Infatuation Phase IV: The Emotional Rollercoaster

Shula Rajaonah "Change before you have to." - Jack Welch

From this high intensity anticipation comes the primary emotional dynamic of infatuation: an exquisite combination of hope and uncertainty which has funded libraries of poetry.

At this point, life becomes that famous rollercoaster ride: precious moments of delightful reciprocity (real or imagined) followed by agonizing doubts of ultimate success. Infatuation is now more consciously driven by simple fear. In fact, The Nagging Fear of Not Getting What You Have Begun to Desire is the unique torment reserved for the infatuated elite.

This pattern of human experience is as well-documented as any emotional experience has ever been. You can find poignant elaborations on the process incised upon clay tablets, etched in marble, painted on papyrus, fixed in celluloid, playing on the radio, and filtering through the voices all around you. It is a famous and favorite form of anguish.